Baddie Bipedals

Humans,

It was sometime during the High Republic Era when I was called on cooking assignment to the peaceful planet Kashyyyk. As I was perfecting a roast porg and jogan fruit entree, I noticed a particularly tall and hairy bipedal who was not quite human hanging around the refectory, and I knew immediately we were kindred spirits.

I offered him a bowl of Rootleaf stew to strike up a conversation and as we spoke, I could tell he was highly intelligent. He told me (in a language not quite “bear-ish”, but not too far off either) that he had fallen on hard times – though he was a spacecraft mechanic and studying to be a pilot, jobs on Kashyyk were scarce. Add to this that he was married to a female named Mallatobuck and had a family to support; well, I knew I had to help.

I was being paid handsomely for this cheffing assignment, considering the long commute time between galaxies, and I certainly needed a sous chef for the dinner I was hosting. I asked him: was he possibly available to assist? He readily agreed. And that was the beginning of a long and rich friendship between myself and a Wookie named Chewbacca.

Over the years I’d return to Kashyyyk for various cheffing opportunities but by then Chewie would often be out on his own adventures, eventually working as a resistance fighter in the famous Clone Wars. But whenever I arrived I’d always find extra furry hards to help with my dinners, supplied by Chewie himself. Once he even had a spacecraft full of Ewoks sent over all the way from Endor, but that’s a story for another time.

With all that said, I’m extremely overjoyed to share that Chewie and I will be reuniting after quite a long hiatus and will be co-hosting a meal in San Diego, CA, USA, Earth on May 4th, 2024. This hasn’t happened in eons, and who knows when this intergalactic meeting of the menu minds will happen again! Please join us for delights and surprises, brought together by two old friends.

We are still working on our menu offerings but stay tuned! The menu will be released in Episode 2!

How to Overcome Arkoudaphobia

Hi everyone, it's Lil' Osito Bear again. As many of you know, I’ve been hosting the Cow by Bear dinners over the last month. I’ve really enjoyed myself but I must say that, as a cub, this is the most human interaction I’ve ever had in my whole life!

Maybe I’m a bit of a socialized beginner, but when I’m cheffing these dinners I try my best to smile, give bear hugs, and wave to the humans I’m interacting with. But there always seems to be a little miscommunication – a smile looks like a snarl to some, a wave is a warning, and a hug can be taken as a sign of aggression?!

I learned in school recently that many people tend to interpret bear actions based on their own fears. We had a guest speaker, bear expert Dr. Lynn Rogers, who said that fearful humans often perceive any noise as a growl, a glance as a threatening glare, and even a bear approaching them as an imminent threat. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! Listen, if I’m charging rapidly toward you with a distracted look on my face, it’s most likely that I’m trying to quickly drop a plate of fresh Shiitake Mushroom Cóctel in front of you while also ensuring that the carne asada that’s grilling in the back for the main course stays tender.

So next time you’re interacting with a cooking bear and feel a little fearful, I’d suggest sitting back and thinking about what this might say about yourself. And then drink some of that delicious wine that has been thoughtfully paired with your meal and – RELAX. The more you can learn about bears and how they behave, the less likely you will be to have a negative experience or misinterpret our interactions.

All that said, I still feel bad for anyone I’ve (accidentally) scared recently so I’m offering a 20% off code for all of our April dinners with the code APRILSHOWERS. Join us to experience my Mexico City-inspired menu for just a short time longer.

A Valentine Story

Humans,

In the summer of '99, I was motorcycling through Mexico on a spiritual journey. I was out to discover myself, as young bears often do. My goal was to find The Great Oso, guru of all walking and talking animals, rumored to be holed up in an abandoned minor league baseball stadium in Mexico City.

It was a wild ride, but in the end, The Great Oso was a huge disappointment. Whoever it was that said, "Don't meet your heroes" was right – he was a total nincompoop. But not all was lost, for after meeting The (Not So Great) Oso, I stumbled into a local taqueria and beheld Osa, daughter of the guru, breaking down one of the finest cuts of beef I had ever seen.

I knew right then I loved her, although it was months (full of me nervously pounding copious carne asada in said taqueria) before I could muster up the courage to say it out loud. Osa is the kind of bear that turns heads when she walks into a room, and I'm pretty sure it isn’t just because she was a bear. She can ice skate, fence, surf, write poetry, beat Contra on the Nintendo without cheat codes, and speak five languages (not including Bear).

She has taught me so much about life, about being a better bear, and more about cooking than all of my other masters combined. We came up with the idea to start Cow by Bear together and spent countless nights sketching out the plan. Cow by Bear is hers as much as it is mine, and her heart and soul are in every single dish we make.

It’s only appropriate then, that my Valentine and I cook up a special feast for you and your sweetheart. Nothing would make the two of us happier than to see you at our *love table* this Valentines Day. Check here for a little taste of the menu, and know that Osa and I will both be there – in and out of the kitchen! – and partaking in a few smooches between us while we plate, of course.

See you there!

Wine by Bear Pop-Up Shoppe

Happy Holidays, Humans!

Bear here. I was first inspired to create a dinner party experience experiment while traveling by foot in Buenos Aires. Having given up on the cheffing game at a dark point in my life, I stumbled upon a parrilla grilling the fattest, juiciest steak I'd ever seen. This is where I fell head over heels for cow. That same evening I attended a puertas cerradas dinner at a private residence that changed my life.

Food has always been central to the experiences I create, but I also make sure to pair it with the finest wine I can get my paws on. And few realize that wine was my first love, even before I became the chef you know me to be.

I was an adolescent bear when I had my first gulp of wine. I remember like it was yesterday, stolen from a human campsite by my older, bad bear cousin Rico (RIP). Red wine – I loved the stuff and spent the next year or so devouring campsites, flipping over airstreams, and digging through Coleman coolers to find it. Years later when I arrived in France, my love for wine was refined. French wine opened up my pallet in a way I couldn't have imagined when I was drinking the boxed stuff from Alaska in my youth.

From this love I created an experimental Wine by Bear program in the late 2010s, where we hosted educational Tuesday night tastings with myself and my sommelier friend. During the COVID lockdown, we continued that experiment with Virtual Wine by Bear, where Osito and his friend delivered handpicked wines and paired plates to your homes throughout San Diego and then gathered you all for a virtual tasting.

I’ve been feeling rather nostalgic lately – and wanting to offer you all something special for the holiday season – so I’ve decided to revive my Wine by Bear campaign in a new iteration for the end of 2023!

From December 20th to 23rd,  our partner restaurant, Nolita Hall, will be assisting me with the Wine by Bear Pop-up! You can order wines through our website and pick them up at the Nolita Hall between 3pm and 7pm – I’ll be there on Wednesday December 20th (at Nolita House, 2314 India Street) offering bear hugs too, or a holiday high five if you prefer! That Wednesday we will be handing out orders and offering a retail shopping experience--I hope to see you there!

We have a variety of super hard to find and delicious offerings, and I think you’ll find something for everyone who will be at your holiday table. (I do want to specifically mention have one single magnum bottle of Giuseppe Rinaldi Barolo that retails at $1200 but my team and I are offering it for $600.) If your tastes are a little less refined, don’t worry, we have affordable bottles you will love. Head on over to our ordering page and take a look at the full offering of wines - you won't be disappointed!

Turducken With A Side of Bear Scare

Greetings, Humans!

A second cousin in Canada recently forwarded this alarming news article to me regarding etiquette if a bear shows up at your Thanksgiving dinner table.

I’ll save you time by summarizing – the (human) writer suggests eight tips for getting through this stressful dynamic during the holiday, which include:

• Not eating honey. (“The quickest way to piss off a bear is to use the honey.”)

• Avoiding eye contact. (“They simply don’t like being stared at, especially while they are trying to eat.)

• Resisting talking politics. (“Bears don’t give a crap but this is just good advice in general.”)

• Not praying too long. (“Bears are not only godless creatures, they are incredibly impatient.”)

It’s clear that the author has simply never met a bear. The most distressing part of the article was tip number seven, which begins as follows:

“Try to put the least desirable family members closest to the bear. Try to see this as a blessing in disguise. You have an opportunity to thin the family out and remove some of the members who nobody could really stand in the first place. They all taste the same to a bear.”

There are so many things wrong with this, I’m not sure where to start. But, at minimum, I must say that not all humans… er, flavors… taste the same to bear.

To combat this misinformation and fake news, our Bear family has decided to open our Thanksgiving table to a small handful of humans. On November 17 and 18, both Osa and I will be hosting a special menu inspired by our family Thanksgiving traditions.

Join us for three holiday courses, the piece de resistance being Turducken Roulade with sides like Truffled Green Bean Casserole with wild mushrooms and crispy onions, Roasted Honey Nut Squash with pomegranate and cinnamon yogurt, Roasted root vegetables with red onion, thyme, and date syrup, as well as our family recipe for Sausage Stuffing.

Bears, of course, will be present at this dinner, and we hope to show you what it’s really like when ursine show up at the holiday table: warm hospitality, new friends, and culinary delights.

See you then,

Bear

A Quick Bear Boogie and Our New Fall Menu

Humans,

Sometimes when autumn hits and the tourists subside, a bear who lives in a vacation destination city just wants to visit a theme park in peace. I know that’s the story for me and my family.

So I was dismayed to see the news from Florida this week, where an adult female bear was captured in a wooded area near the Magic Kingdom’s “It’s a Small World” ride and transported out. Chances are she just wanted to catch a quick boogie at the Country Bear Jamboree and traipse around Tom Sawyer Island, pretending she was there to scare Gold Rushers as they headed out west before grabbing a churro and hitting the road herself. What’s the harm in that?? I bet she even has season passes.

See, this is why my family and I prefer to wear clothes. We went to Disneyland last fall and – though we certainly attracted a lot of stares – we were permitted to cruise around all day and tour the Haunted Mansion to our hearts’ delight.

All that said, the lesson is this: if you have a friendly bear in your life that you care about, please advise wearing clothing next time he or she heads out to an amusement park.

But I digress. My real reason for writing today is to mention that our October Cow by Bear dinners have been opened for reservations. We are offering a unique fall menu I’ve been working on and I know will make you drool - think Duck Confit Cassoulet (an oldie but a goodie) and Pumpkin Spiced Agnolotti. Yes!

Pop on over to our website for reservations and get ready for some real fall-themed fun at our dinners. Just remember to wear clothing, especially if you’re bringing a bear as a guest. 

See you very soon,

Bear

The Wine Ursine on Cocaine Bear

Humans,

As I’m sure you all know, the film Cocaine Bear was released recently to high acclaim, and since I alluded to my connection to this bear in a newsletter last year I have been asked about it quite frequently. I’m happy to share that my media embargo was lifted and I was finally able to publicly comment on the film in a recent interview with The Forest Reporter, excerpted below.

The Forest Reporter: We’ve gotta ask the question everyone has been wondering - were you indeed acquainted with the real-life Cocaine Bear?

Bear: I’ve been reluctant to discuss this out of respect for his family but - yes - I knew Eddie quite well. In the Cub Club community we sometimes playfully refer to him as Pablo Eskobear, though I’m not sure that’s in especially good taste.

TFR: We knew it! Okay so, since you know - er, knew - him, did anything surprise you about the way he was represented in this movie?

Bear: Well, I think the context that wasn’t able to really be shown in the film - due to time constraints - is that Eddie lived a bit of a troubled life prior to this unfortunate incident involving the cocaine. His vices really created a problematic loop for him.

TFR: Vices, vices… which begs the aside, Chef: what’s your vice of choice?

Bear: Besides a well-cooked 90-day-aged ribeye? <Chuckles> Listen, I don’t really want to go down that conversational road, but I will say that I’m more of a wine ursine myself. Shameless little plug here, but we have some AMAZING wines on the docket for our new spring Cow by Bear menu.

TFR: Alright, you’ve piqued our interest! Maybe you can share a little bit about them at the end of the interview. One final Cocaine Bear question - there’s a lot of gore in the movie, is this representative of the real life of a bear?

Bear: Happy to share the wines! And I’d have to say – definitely not. My experience involves a lot more heartwarming instances of bringing humans and bears together as opposed to violence against each other. I think this is the truest and highest mammalian way - that discovery of common ground.

TFR: Okay, last question. We heard a rumor that you were sourced as a stand-in backup actor for the bear in the movie. Is this true?

Bear: Haha, definitely not answering that one due to an NDA…. But maybe. <winks>

As promised, here are the wines we have chosen for my spring menu. Check them out, and - as a very serious and studied wine ursine - I recommend joining us to give them a try yourself.

Until then, yours,
Bear

Sun Bear Don't Care (Baggy Bear Booty)

Howdy Humans,

I was sitting on my porch this weekend sipping honeyed sweet tea and catching up on my crossword puzzles when I stumbled upon a news article that got me feeling a little salty. You may have seen it yourself: humans on social media are speculating that a sun bear in an Eastern China zoo could be a person in costume.

To share something a bit vulnerable… I can relate: it is not uncommon at our dinners that I hear humans speculating that I, myself, am not a real bear, but a person dressed in an ill-fitting bear suit. In light of this article, I wanted to address this appalling (and rather hurtful) rumor head-on.

Dr. Ashleigh Marshall, an expert from Chester Zoo, concedes bears do often "look a lot like people in their costumes” (but that doesn’t mean they are!). And to put a finer point on it, when asked about the ruffled appearance of a bear's skin around the rear end, she said this is “a normal and very important feature of its anatomy.”

The folds help protect the bears from predators, as the looseness allows the bear to "turn around in their skin" [when cooking] and fight back if a large animal like a tiger (or a tipsy diner) were to get hold of them, Dr Marshall explained.

I hope this helps quench the rumors and assuage any doubters out there. And for those of you who want to come and see this baggy bear booty for yourself, we still have 3 tickets available for our last August dinner on the 18th, and just released our September dates for booking.

Get in here quick and taste what I’m loving - our delicious five-ounce New York strip steak with confit asparagus, potato puree, and bourbon 'bear'naise sauce. See you all soon.

Yours,
Bear